Hi everyone! You may have read the title of this post and thought it was going to be one of those self-help posts about trying to catch the perfect man. I can assure you, it’s really not!
I think Alicia Keys said it best, “I think I’m jealous of your girlfriend, although she’s just a girl that is your friend”. For me this statement rings true, because for a number of years I was the girl-friend & not the lover. Personally, I have a feeling that the reason for this is because of the way I’m wired; I would rather watch a Gangster classic like Scarface, than a chick flick like The Notebook.
Sidebar: Please note, I love both films and would be prepared to watch either one at any given moment.
Anyway, I digress… I don’t know if it was going to a mixed secondary school or my relentless young self deciding to not be afraid of anyone that allowed me to develop such free and platonic relationships with the opposite sex. Although I’m in a relationship now, when I was my younger I would be the one to strike up a conversation with the opposite sex and it wasn’t always because I was interested in the young man. I just like to chat!
As the years have gone by different male companions have had girlfriends and I’ve had to be the one to reassure their girlfriend, they had nothing to fear or worry about, “I’m not interested in your man!”.
Why does the girl-friend pose such a threat…?
The girl-friend has history (ranging from jokes to birthdays to career choices) that you’re not privy to. She is also able to be free with him in a way that you’re not able to (yet!) and this might be down to your own insecurities, the shadow of past relationships and/or society’s expectations of what is perceived as “right” in relationships. This closeness can easily cause some friction.
Take the scene in the film Brown Sugar, where Sydney played by Sanaa Lathan’s is at the Bridal shower of ‘Dre’ (Taye Diggs) fiancée, Reese Ellis. ‘Syd’ (Lathan) is able to answer all the questions about ‘Dre’ down to the very last detail and thereby ruffle some feathers and a few shady looks. Though she did end up with Dre by the end of the film, we can put this down to Hollywood’s need to provide us with a romantic ending as opposed to an accurate snap shot of reality.
Now, ladies if you have an inkling your man is cheating, then you have every right to ask him about the matter. However, for all intents and purposes of this post we’re going to assume the relationship in question is purely platonic.
So what next…?
It’s all about perspective! There are many benefits to your man having this platonic relationship. For example;
- He’s comfortable taking advice (possibly correction) from a female.
- She can be an ally, when trying to navigate this new relationship
- She’s a useful sounding board for when it comes to future birthday presents
Basically what I’m trying to say is, if she’s just a girl-friend you have nothing to worry about!
Until next time…
Dee.x
